Ballad Of The 'BIJLI BATTLES'

All the blame goes to the wonderful and joyous festival day of Diwali.........

A day most synonymous with the usual things like festive mood, happy people, little kids showing off their new dresses, gluttons getting fatter....but the thing that makes it STAND OUT are the FIREWORKS with their wholesome promise of thrills and spills galore.
Things only got better, when the gang(my friends and I)decided to stay back and have fun...( i say so keeping as straight and innocent face as i can).

With more than a K's budget and armed with words, a purchase of 2K odd priced fireworks were made with ruthless baragining from our side cutting the price short.

Little known to us, 5 seemingly small insignificant packets were to stick with us as the tale to be told for long............They were the Bijlis.......(For the lesser enthusiasts, they're the little red things that give out a good pop).

And so came Diwali..........Early morning visit to the temple completely nullified by a SENSATIONAL SIESTA, gave way to the evening.........

Things kicked off with a defeaning bang, almost quite literally when the ATOM BOMB's rolled out and as would always the traditional LAKSMI crackers took their rightful place upon the THRONE OF FIREWORKS which got better when some of us got a bit daring and lighted the things and threw them when the time was ripe.......T'was beautiful.....Mid air blasts...........

All that remained were the aerial shots, rockets and the bijlis, but it was too early in the evening to spew out rockets, so then THE MADNESS BEGAN................

SITUATION:

A solitary agarbathi stick pre-lit and used, 5 packets of the Bijli Bangs, A stolen matchbox with rapidly diminishing number of sticks, a candle which just refused to stay lit for more than 20 seconds but the best of the lot were....................14 dangerous GUYS who wanted to SEPERATE THE MEN FROM THE BOYS.........

It wasn't planned or intended but the group just split up into two factions, one group clinging on to the candle and the matchbox and the other well settled with the agarbathi.......Two teams with each trooper with a handful of Bijlis(henceforth will be referred AS THE B'S)........On either side of the road, Armed and Dangerous..........

Candle Team(me here):
My friend holding on the candle with his left and the B's peeping ever so closer to the naked flame. The thing was that everyone had to light the b's using the candle and it certainly becomes tougher when an over-enthusiastic me managed to extinguish the flame everytime i light, causing great pressure on the candle team specially after the skillfully(or maybe even luckily sometimes)avoiding the torrential throw of b's from the other side.
The team was handicapped but not losing.....guys from our team knew that a throw to a right place on the opposite front would cause enough chaos for our team to recuperate........
And so it happened...... a well launched b straight to the heart of the enemy circle was time enough for the candle team to stage a fight back.

Agarbathi Team:
This team had a stroke of cleverness early on when they seized the agarbathi stick making their job of lighting the b's a bit easier than for the candle team. Had it not been for their hasty and frightened disposal(counting out the ones that hit my teammates squarely on the shirts) they would have shared the spoils a long time ago, but nevertheless, they were the team clearly calling the shots on the battle. They marched forward in royal fashion, towards a team with distorted chemistry in front of the candle flame.............BEFORE...........

OK.......While all this was happening, we were the sight to behold, near 20- odd faces staring at awe at what we were doing......playing like little kids, they might think(but you couldn't deny.........WE HAD STYLE), and all cracker fearing crackpots who had to cross the NO MAN'S LAND OF THE BATTLEFIELD.........were swearing at us freely and hindi being their favourite language( M____t's, B_____t's) were abound BEFORE.............the star turn around occured.......

THE STAR TURN AROUND:
Our territory was being invaded, they had breached our walls and were firing steadily..........but then as fate would have it..............
A brave soul from our team dared to be different, once the enemy had entered our territory, deep enough to not exit quickly enough......this brave soul had the audacity to enter the red zone of the opposition.....and with one sudden swift movement(more a rush a blood to the head.....it happens as he told us later), STOLE THE AGARBATHI from the tight clasp of the agarbathi team, leaving them in the lurch..........

MUHAHAHAHAHA.......A cruel twist of fate had robbed the battle spoil for the Agar.....Not any more....Ammo-Less team.
BUT WE WERE HONOURABLE MEN............After driving them out of our area, the candle was thrown to them seeing as we needed the competition............frantic cries and desperate attempts to reclaim the agarbathi were in vain as the hero proved to be more competent in warding off trouble..........

And so after several misfires, direct hits, near misses, burnt trousers, Bijli stamps and surprisingly even own goal bijlis (by the star......hence dishonoured impromptu), we soon found out that Bijilis worth 200 bucks can only be fun time for only so-much time and hence at last, when the remaining number of B's were down to 10......a truce was called and the last B's cherished...............(however many were used in a manhunt, for a common target....afterwards).


Seeing the instant success of this franchise.........next diwali promises to be nothing short of anticipatory as plan to follow a set of guidelines for the battle
1. Fixed no of packets for each team
2. Each team gets 1 candle 1 matchbox and thankfully......1 AGARBATHI
3. Stealing is strictly forbidden
3. Teams are predetermined, switching not allowed.....
4. Common targets(essentially for fun) are dealt with at last.

The punishment for any sort of violation to the above rules is to eat at the mess, when all the other(your order of parathas gets cancelled) puritans are eating something much better outside.


After the washing of hands greased with combustible material, mind filled with fireworks(pun intended), we had to do the last thing logcially possible..............go out and eat the VICTORY DINNER.........this time neither won...............BUT...........

THE TRUCE NEED NOT ALWAYS BE THE TRUTH.................

The Fifth comes Forth

One from Indian Mythology to kick things off.......

When Lord Shiva carried Godess Parvati's body from the heavens, legend has it that parts of her body fell at different places.

What is the name of the place where her eyes fell........???

D-Day of Diabolical Dentistry

---FLASHBACK---
During the relatively cold month of December 2006, when the festive mood of the Karthigai season had invaded my mum's mind, little lamps of light (agal vilakku) found themselves strewn across the spread of the house. Little did any of these things know, that one of their kin was chosen to make my already messed up life all the more miserable.
A Monday night, as normal as any in my life so far..........but then again, as sleep starving i was, i strode down the hallway and started to ascend the usual flight of stairs to my room, when it happened. My right foot made contact with one of those darn lamps, housed ever so innocently at the very first step of the stairs and quite naturally, i slipped. And then as fate would have it, the repurcussions of a simple mistake of mine is amplified 50 fold and i end up ramming my upper jaw againt the staircase railing (lucky me!!!). two teeth shaking, one wondering whether or not to fall, profuse bleeding, hysterical parents.........Trust me, i was not a pretty sight to behold.
---END---

I ended up getting a "composite ligature wire splinting" and by the end of that complicated procedure, reduced to a guy having his food intake reduced to mashed fluids, next to nothing (I wonder how astronauts survive), straw fed, and was advised a future ROOT CANAL to add to my misery.

---Today---
It promised to be nothing different, i had to learn the outcome of a root canal that i have avoided so stealthily for near two years and as usual it always began with a compulsary tooth cleaning procedure.
An X-ray revealing the good maintenance of my dead front tooth prolonged the root canal.
SCORES: Me-1 dentist-0.
Well, something is on my side today, I thought. A thought that i would live to regret 15 minutes later.
I have had this cleaning process done maybe 3 times before, and they're not always the best experience in the world...............

It always starts with lowering the VICTIM chair ever so slowly till the patient is able the see the full face of the tortu- eh...dentist incharge.
If your bespectacled, they gotta come off first- they dont deserve your punishment.
Then they insert the SUCKER- first it makes your mouth bone dry, and once the doctor starts of, reduces the amount of liquid liable to clog your throat(yeh!!!!right, like that ever happens).
The machines in the clutches of the doctor comes next, one shaped like a pick-axe and the other a sprayer.
When this starts off, the patient is conscious of about 5 types of sounds made by the devices, once they come into contact with the teeth.

1. A sound made that causes a tingling sensation in the body as though everything in the world is dandy, peachy and fine.
2. A sound made which is not so pleasent, but still does enough to keep you sane.
3. A sound typically like KRRRR! KRRRR! when he starts to dig up your eating history, it's like pulling up your guilty conscience, from the root of the root.
4. Next, A feeling on the teeth accompanied by a sound reminiscent of polishing marbles for your house tiling, One of the nastier ones.
5. Here comes the worst of the lot, you know the kind the sounds made by dragging your nails across a blackboard or a key 'cross your car, the sort of sound that gives your GOOSEBUMPS THE GOOSEBUMPS, makes your hair stand on end, and make you to twitch uncontrollably.Well, itzzz back!!!!
The worst part is you cant even swallow your saliva(there's nothing left courtesy the SUCKER, and you cant even move your jaw, fearing what might go wrong if we did).

But maybe after the process is done, the patient now has a smile rivalling any model for a toothpaste advertisement......but as the proverb goes, EVERYTHING HAS A PRICE.

Today i found myself in a similar situation, begging for redemption of my sins past. But today things were different. In my previous encounters, once i spat out the crap and rinsed, 'twas all over.
Not today, he made me lean back again (oops, a feeling of dread eclipsed every emotion coursing through) and........."There's a cavity too" ( he said that as though it was an added bonus), "Want me to fill it up, or on any other day"(I didn't want another day ruined for it). "today, doctor"came my reply (i was feeling less braver by the passing second)

A reply to my mum's question of time as 15-20 minutes soothed my senses a bit.

But I got demoralised completely when i saw the amount and severity of the devices placed before me (It's a cavity, not an open heart surgery for christ's sake).
Once i saw the drill hovering over the proximity of my mouth, I did the only possible and logical conclusion i could make. I closed my eyes and prayed for it to end soon.

30 seconds into "Operation Cavity", a sneak peek revealed Seargent DRILL entering with nothing spare a maniacal menace, sending me into a tizzy.

45 seconds elapsed, nothing yet......and then a sharp pain shooting up inside of me as though a ruptured wound was being tormented on and over again without mercy, and it lasted for till near one and a half minute.

5 minutes later, i felt brave enough to open my eyes and i saw a blue colored syringe, causing me to close my eyes again, feeling sure never to open them again till i got the go ahead.
Then things did start to get better, you could actually feel something filling up inside you, like a mason filling up a hollow brick with cement, and affectionately patting it to see if it's stable.

I was then conscious of an obnoxious taste making its presence felt across my still dry mouth(the SUCKER took a liking to me) and then i realised this was the filling(well, they could have made it taste a bit better, i mean aarggghhh......ghastly!!!).
What followed suite was a gradual grinding across my tooth....(i still did not have the balls to open their counterparts high above)to see what new instruments of medical marvel my mouth was seeing.

After what seemed like 15-20 minutes in normal time....trust, it wont seem like that.....I got a final "wash your mouth" and my heart was back in its place again. My mouth overflowing with the gross fluid from the tube, made it impossible for me to talk to anyone reducing the risk of spitting at their faces. After all the complicated processes now made aware of, I got a small feeling the bill was not gonna be so pocket friendly, and i simply chose not to hear the total estimation, so as to clear my conscience of one thing less.

I started talking again after spitting a major chunk of GROSS, and could not help but think.......at the end of all this pure and pain(ful)less.

1. We always enjoy the food(non-inclusive of mess junk) we eat......BUT it's always the LEFTOVERS that are a problem.

2. This is the only place where we pay to be miserable......In effect, we feel sorry for all the bad things we had done in the past upto the moment we see the dentist playing with a smile with a drill in hand. So, it's more a temple in a weird sort of way (these sessions also mess with my mind, as can be seen by my thoughts).

3. FINAL SCORES: Me-1 dentist-108.

MORAL OF THE STORY: TOOTH IS BITTER................

IT'S ALRIGHT IF YOU DONT BRUSH YOUR TEETH, YOU MAY NEVER NEED A DENTIST.......BUT GOD FORBID, NEVER STEP ON ANYTHING THAT REQUIRES A "TOOTH TOOT GAYA"FROM YOU.

MAY THE TOOTH FAIRY NEVER VISIT YOU!!!!!!!!!.

Q2 Spew

This is a list of 15 languages as follows,

1. ASSAMESE
2. BENGALI
3. GUJARATI
4. KANNADA
5. KASHMIRI
6. KONKANI
7. MALAYALAM
8. MARATHI
9. NEPALI
10. ORIYA
11. PUNJABI
12. SANSKRIT
13. TAMIL
14. TELUGU
15. URDU


Put Fundae on the order.

THE FIRST ONE

Drumroll please................


Dr. Ian P. Griffin, an intellectual hailing from England and who is now CEO of Science in Oxford
University and once a part of NASA's Space Telescope Science Institute in 2007 after discovery,
NAMED A PARTICULAR ASTEROID as the 33179 XXX, named after the manager of his favorite premiership club. XXX is the first of his field to have an asteroid named after him.

Identify XXX.

And so it began................

GOD said let there be light..............

And with that light, man created............He indeed chose to create so much, that unknown to him and blissfully to others around, he was a victim of his own genius.

Henceforth came the advancement of the intellect and the recession of BLISS which started ever slowly since the beginning of time and had not a heavy toll to take since the turn of the twentieth ton. So it began "THE AGE OF ADDICTION".

But Who's complaining............Just imagining life without whatever we now perceive as a birthright is difficult.

Society is in itself a powerful influence on a person, it is something that you would want to be a part of.............but....nevertheless blame it for age old problems like pollution, global warming etc.

And so the CRAP ends................My friends started blogging, so did I.

But why not, Blogging is not a RAT RACE, If u look carefully enough there is only a TRACE of it.
For all those of you who are still with me by the time you reach this segment of the post, the first post is the HARDEST one to paste, things can only get better.

The post-next's all include things cluttering my tiny space inside the cranium.