Quashing of an age-old source of humour

And what would the source of humour be?

"As a Thambi*, it is not unnatural to believe in the widely regarded notion that ONE can supposedly SPEAK Telugu merely by the addition of -soo,-roo and more popularly the -loo to the end of every word in Tamizh to get its equivalent word in Telugu".

What's more, this is such a widely acclaimed school of thought, that it is subject to ridicule and slander. How so? one may ask.....well, there are countless movies in Kollywood that can back my statement. Comedian Vivek, putting it to good abUSE.....

Now I'm here to speak nay defend my foster homeland against this very conviction and render it passive to the best of my effort.

It all begins when a word is spoken is English, that's where fate is sealed
Books become booksoo, pen becomes pennoo and so on and so forth, mostly because most of the words in Telugu end up with the aforementioned syllables.
Sounds- oo, written to produce the sound of oo in woo or loo.

THIS for some reason WE find extremely hilarious, I know i did till some time ago.

But, then it dawned on me......not too long ago......i heard my own voice in a conversation with my Thambi peers......We are not a whole lot different form our "G" friends with regard to regional language influence on our English....we also do get have something similar to the soo, loo thing.

We have it's TAMIZH EQUIVALENT, the "mirror image 6"or "uae" which blissfully encompasses everything.
Books become booksuae, pen becomes pennuae.

"THE uae sound"- remember the sound errrrr as in hesitation, shorten it to a really small fraction of time, is how you get the sound.

Why WE get away with it (if we do get away with it that is)is how this post ends and it is primarily down to two reasons

1. It doesn't slip out that often
2. It is not nearly as noticeable as the soo, roo and loo dudes, that linger on for just too much time for the others to notice it.

*-Tamil Nadu guy as is called by the others. Like Mallus to Malayalees

The SAD part is I don't remember any shit about vowels sounds to explain this properly.

Cometh the Change, Cometh the Comedy......

Well......i've given up on the idea that one can narrow down all the bizarre on-goings in a wrestling ring to a top ten countdown......it just seems too difficult with every new episode of RAW & SMACKDOWN weekly......Hence, i'm now proud to say i've given up(didn't try too hard on this to let myself be disappointed also, so, no worries!!!).

So now that i've got a full month to myself.......muhahaha......so many better things to write and so little time...........

The sad part is though, by this time, i would have lost my entire readers base.....this this URL has been absolutely DEAD(no other way to put it)......Hence, i hope to make it up to one and all.....henceforth....

Sorry for the longest hiatus every possible...................

WWE: “Word” Wrestling Entertainment…….a hopefully short write-up about an industry, though still Oscar less and still entertaining us in every sense of the word ever since it’s induction into the vast expanse of the television media………..and our lives…..(sigh)

DISCLAIMER: “whoever you are and whatever you do, PLEASE don’t read this at home or at school, STAY SAFE”.

By wrestling, I of course DO NOT mean those events taking place in velvety mats where two opponents, one clad in a blue vest and the other in red, heavily protected by gum guards wearing matching head gears and what-not’s in more sacred areas……..I ACTUALLY MEAN those guys who are brave enough to come ‘STARK NAKED’ (spare a hybrid lower abdominal ’loin’ cloth which looks like the copulating result of a V-cut brief and a boxer), to an arena flocked by 50000 fully-clothed people.

The worst part is many of them resort to taking advantage of being naked and decide to take a small bath en-route to the ring…….like Triple H for example, who always shows up with a full bottle next to the big screen and by the time he flings the bottle away it’s nearly empty...........

I’ve been a fan of the WWE since the time it was better known as WWF (but then those animal activists did this and that..........)in my young age where I used to watch it either in safety or in stealth owing to my sister’s “How can you watch this crap” attitude toward it and let me tell you……..the thing grows on you, quite easily too.......

And hence here’s put together, a small compilation of the BEST TEN THINGS that make the WWE what it is and WHY WE LOVE IT SO MUCH.............

10. EVERY “UNDER”DOG HAS HIS DAY:

This is the WWE equivalent of the popular moral involving a DOG and it’s DAY………..and it just goes to show that anyone can beat anyone else………and the best example that can be given is

BIG SHOW vs. REY MYSTERIO…………….A 7 foot 450 lb monstrosity pitted against the 160 lb pint sized wrestler in the same ring........... let me tell you……

”No one can completely with absolute certainty say who is going to win a match regardless of who the opponents may be” - (Heisenberg’s Wrestling Uncertainty Principle)……….

WWE may have gotten inspired from David and Goliath………but myths apart……any sane person would back the bigger man, but it just doesn’t happen……………

POSSIBLE OUTCOMES IN A MATCH LIKE THIS:

a. Mysterio kicks out of the choke slam when the big show is still a bit groggy and covers him late……

b. The match may end in a disqualification against the big man by any of his arch-rivals wanting to have a go at him (someone like Cena would be interested)……..

c. And my favorite…………..somehow mysterio trips the big show and by god’s miracle, he lands precisely face first on the second rope placing mysterio in an almost perfect manner to execute the 619…..which by the way turns out to be a “severe move” and a turning point giving mysterio a chance to sneak a victory………

Other notable underdogs are Jamie Noble, John Morrison, CM Punk. They did the rounds for a bit but definitely

THE OSCAR GOES TO………………………….REY MYSTERIO………no doubts about that…..HE IS THE ULTIMATE UNDERDOG and you just can’t stop liking him………………

9. UNDERTAKER NEVER LOSES IN WRESTLEMANIA (17-0): He is known as ‘THE PHENOM’ and not without reason

The phenomenon……maybe old age has caused him to TAKE NEARLY 10 minutes to walk from the big-screen on to the ring, with a ritualistic lighting and removal of the hat at a predestined moment to coincide with the sound of thunder from behind…………………..(So next time you want to watch the Undertaker’s match, when his music comes up…..finish the next meal of the day, burp and then come back to the set, you will see the undertaker EYEBALL LESS then and you will know the match starts in a few minutes)

But be it Jimmy ‘The super fly’ Snuka at Wrestlemania VII or be it more recently in the 25^th where he was pitted to lose…………and all those in between (more than one on some occasions and the same person on other occasions), the truth is

FOR 17 YEARS………..THEY CAME TO WRESTLEMANIA, THEY FOUGHT, THEY TRIED…..THEY FAILED……………

So the winner of this category is for the person who came within touching distance of beating the Dead Man is………………………….SHAWN MICHAELS who kicked out of the TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER that put the out-sticking tongue of the Undertaker back in his mouth………..

There’s one more thing that deserves special mention………….Well…..for a long time it was the tradition of the wwe to allow those entertainers who were earlier FIRED not by or by none other than the chairman himself with the “You’re FIRED” dialogue with saliva spewing out, but it took a turn for the worse when even DEAD PEOPLE STARTED making a comeback in the show, I mean talk about from beyond the grave………..(the author points a finger in the incident regarding the TRAGIC DEATH of Vince McMahon in a car explosion shown explicitly on screen and to allow chaos to ensue after, ONLY to return hale and healthy as ever…….)

8. PROPS AND ITEMS………: A tribute to the unanimated entertainers

These wretched things have caused more ‘pain’ in the industry than anything else, be it tables ladders or chairs……….or the wily sledge-hammer or the shillelagh wielded by the Irishman Finlay, Steve Blackman’s candle sticks……..they have been an integral part of many a main event in PAY-PER VIEW and will continue to be so……..

The WWE also manufactures ladders of a special height custom made for JEFF HARDY’s daredevil antics…….be it jumping from the smallest up to the largest as seen in the Money in the bank matches,

The devastating effects of Edge & Christian when they cunningly start to use the Steel Chair (btw: certain superstars have it written in their contract that they are immune to the shots of the steel chair and remain exceptions to nature’s natural order……………….e.g.: Kane, Mark Henry, Brock Lesner)

BUT, the award for the item put to the best use goes to……………

“D VON……….GET THE TABLES”…………yup, it’s the Dudley Boyz, who just seem to have an affinity for anything wooden in the WWE, and just watching them 3-D a poor sonofagun through that table can just make anyone’s day……………………..

D VON & BUH BUH RAY DUDLEY………the most unsuccessful big name tag-team the WWE has ever seen…………..With the money these guys got from the WWE, they went on to WCW and signed a contract making them champions for some time at least…………………………

JIM ROSS: ‘It’s not over folks……..What will happen…………..more of this when we come back’

Would EVERYTHING be the same ?

Allow me to elaborate on the title first. 'Would EVERYTHING be the same ?' actually means, would one get the same kind of response for all situations. To elaborate further, I ask thee that if you were to enter a 3 or possibly 4 star hotel where you would generally go to as a gang for a lavish evening and that you go there again a night later after one such evening as a duo and JUST order 2 BOWLS OF SOUP and leave. Would you, I mean would you think that everything would be same. We didn't and we were right.

21:30 on that fateful night, a game a FIFA 08, a 'Usain Bolt' running nose, a mild sense of constipation and most importantly an equally jobless companion for this adventure. It all began with an impulse, a subtle thought of the delightful cream floating ever so gracefully on a great vivid red liquid and skilfully dodging past the 'Measured 3 crumbs of bread' that so miserly found its place in the 'GREAT BOWL Of CHINA' all for just 50 bucks. My companion was just too bored and found solace in the idea of soup at that time of the night and there we were..........all for 2 bowls of soup.

We set out spending the first 10 minutes walking towards the gate wondering whether either of us would back out and realise the immense stupidity in such a trip......but neither did......PLAN was still on. A 5 rupee auto ride saw us entering the big burly gates of the 'SUPRABHA' hotel..........We marched on and then it happened.........
As is the case with all good hotels there is always a traditionally well dressed guy in a turban regardless of how much hair he has ushering people in with a salute. We were greeted the same way.........OW, strike 1.

I asked my friend "Do you think he would have greeted us the same way if he in some way knew that all we wanted to do was just order two soup bowls and get the hell out". --------Statement 1.
Then we found ourselves a good couple of seats and we were suddenly ambushed by two waiters on either side. One weilding two glasses out and the other filling them up.
That old feeling came back. Statement 1 again.
This was followed by a well dressed guy coming over to us, beaming politely and handing us two menu cards. Strike 2. the irony was that we both knew what we wanted, but we were being polite too, so we glanced through all the courses and ended up seeing the soup section and subsequently ordering. A moment of awkwardness...........waiter: "A tomato and a spicy chicken soup....and NEXT ?"...........My friend gave the order and this was the response he got..........I buried my chuckles into my water glass..........My friend then closes one eye, raises the right hand chest high and casually says "Thats all" and immediately started drinking from his own glass........we'll admit, we both did not want to see his reaction after that last response. We remained in silence as though in mourning till the soups arrived and once they did, laughter became uncontrollable......'THE DREADED SOUPS'.
After a quickfire 5 minutes the soup bowls were empty and the bill settled with a meagre tip, we set back to from whence we came, but once again at the entrance the usherer gave us the same salute that we got when we entered. Strike 3......and we're out...........all in consequence of statement 1, which became the commandment of that night

Hence the moral or maybe conclusion was that.......NOW I HAD ALSO REALISED WHAT THE IDIOM "TO BE IN A THICK SOUP MEANT".