WWE: “Word” Wrestling Entertainment…….a hopefully short write-up about an industry, though still Oscar less and still entertaining us in every sense of the word ever since it’s induction into the vast expanse of the television media………..and our lives…..(sigh)
DISCLAIMER: “whoever you are and whatever you do, PLEASE don’t read this at home or at school, STAY SAFE”.
By wrestling, I of course DO NOT mean those events taking place in velvety mats where two opponents, one clad in a blue vest and the other in red, heavily protected by gum guards wearing matching head gears and what-not’s in more sacred areas……..I ACTUALLY MEAN those guys who are brave enough to come ‘STARK NAKED’ (spare a hybrid lower abdominal ’loin’ cloth which looks like the copulating result of a V-cut brief and a boxer), to an arena flocked by 50000 fully-clothed people.
The worst part is many of them resort to taking advantage of being naked and decide to take a small bath en-route to the ring…….like Triple H for example, who always shows up with a full bottle next to the big screen and by the time he flings the bottle away it’s nearly empty...........
I’ve been a fan of the WWE since the time it was better known as WWF (but then those animal activists did this and that..........)in my young age where I used to watch it either in safety or in stealth owing to my sister’s “How can you watch this crap” attitude toward it and let me tell you……..the thing grows on you, quite easily too.......
And hence here’s put together, a small compilation of the BEST TEN THINGS that make the WWE what it is and WHY WE LOVE IT SO MUCH.............
10. EVERY “UNDER”DOG HAS HIS DAY:
This is the WWE equivalent of the popular moral involving a DOG and it’s DAY………..and it just goes to show that anyone can beat anyone else………and the best example that can be given is
BIG SHOW vs. REY MYSTERIO…………….A 7 foot 450 lb monstrosity pitted against the 160 lb pint sized wrestler in the same ring........... let me tell you……
”No one can completely with absolute certainty say who is going to win a match regardless of who the opponents may be” - (Heisenberg’s Wrestling Uncertainty Principle)……….
WWE may have gotten inspired from David and Goliath………but myths apart……any sane person would back the bigger man, but it just doesn’t happen……………
POSSIBLE OUTCOMES IN A MATCH LIKE THIS:
a. Mysterio kicks out of the choke slam when the big show is still a bit groggy and covers him late……
b. The match may end in a disqualification against the big man by any of his arch-rivals wanting to have a go at him (someone like Cena would be interested)……..
c. And my favorite…………..somehow mysterio trips the big show and by god’s miracle, he lands precisely face first on the second rope placing mysterio in an almost perfect manner to execute the 619…..which by the way turns out to be a “severe move” and a turning point giving mysterio a chance to sneak a victory………
Other notable underdogs are Jamie Noble, John Morrison, CM Punk. They did the rounds for a bit but definitely
THE OSCAR GOES TO………………………….REY MYSTERIO………no doubts about that…..HE IS THE ULTIMATE UNDERDOG and you just can’t stop liking him………………
9. UNDERTAKER NEVER LOSES IN WRESTLEMANIA (17-0): He is known as ‘THE PHENOM’ and not without reason
The phenomenon……maybe old age has caused him to TAKE NEARLY 10 minutes to walk from the big-screen on to the ring, with a ritualistic lighting and removal of the hat at a predestined moment to coincide with the sound of thunder from behind…………………..(So next time you want to watch the Undertaker’s match, when his music comes up…..finish the next meal of the day, burp and then come back to the set, you will see the undertaker EYEBALL LESS then and you will know the match starts in a few minutes)
But be it Jimmy ‘The super fly’ Snuka at Wrestlemania VII or be it more recently in the 25th where he was pitted to lose…………and all those in between (more than one on some occasions and the same person on other occasions), the truth is
FOR 17 YEARS………..THEY CAME TO WRESTLEMANIA, THEY FOUGHT, THEY TRIED…..THEY FAILED……………
So the winner of this category is for the person who came within touching distance of beating the Dead Man is………………………….SHAWN MICHAELS who kicked out of the TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER that put the out-sticking tongue of the Undertaker back in his mouth………..
There’s one more thing that deserves special mention………….Well…..for a long time it was the tradition of the wwe to allow those entertainers who were earlier FIRED not by or by none other than the chairman himself with the “You’re FIRED” dialogue with saliva spewing out, but it took a turn for the worse when even DEAD PEOPLE STARTED making a comeback in the show, I mean talk about from beyond the grave………..(the author points a finger in the incident regarding the TRAGIC DEATH of Vince McMahon in a car explosion shown explicitly on screen and to allow chaos to ensue after, ONLY to return hale and healthy as ever…….)
8. PROPS AND ITEMS………: A tribute to the unanimated entertainers
These wretched things have caused more ‘pain’ in the industry than anything else, be it tables ladders or chairs……….or the wily sledge-hammer or the shillelagh wielded by the Irishman Finlay, Steve Blackman’s candle sticks……..they have been an integral part of many a main event in PAY-PER VIEW and will continue to be so……..
The WWE also manufactures ladders of a special height custom made for JEFF HARDY’s daredevil antics…….be it jumping from the smallest up to the largest as seen in the Money in the bank matches,
The devastating effects of Edge & Christian when they cunningly start to use the Steel Chair (btw: certain superstars have it written in their contract that they are immune to the shots of the steel chair and remain exceptions to nature’s natural order……………….e.g.: Kane, Mark Henry, Brock Lesner)
BUT, the award for the item put to the best use goes to……………
“D VON……….GET THE TABLES”…………yup, it’s the Dudley Boyz, who just seem to have an affinity for anything wooden in the WWE, and just watching them 3-D a poor sonofagun through that table can just make anyone’s day……………………..
D VON & BUH BUH RAY DUDLEY………the most unsuccessful big name tag-team the WWE has ever seen…………..With the money these guys got from the WWE, they went on to WCW and signed a contract making them champions for some time at least…………………………
JIM ROSS: ‘It’s not over folks……..What will happen…………..more of this when we come back’
Posts
