"Barber"ious: Babblings of a receding hairline

The title aptly explains my overview on the matter.................

My parents decided that enough was enough, they could not "Stands no more" the way my hair was just growing all over the place and not falling into any particular order.........or to put it plainly my hair did not have any partition line in my grossly overgrown patch giving clean testimony to the fact that i did not comb my hair for a (trust me on this) really, really long time.

The only thing that delayed the inevitable haircut day was marred by my parents sentiments on the "Wrong days to cut your hair".....which happened to be Tuesdays and Fridays and I blissfully added Mondays to that list on my own accord..........NOT THAT MONDAY !!!!!
(MOM stayed home) and as it happened............

An ULTIMATUM was proposed...............the day's lunch in exchange for a neatly trimmed top.....
(Can't argue with that, one of the sole reasons i came back from college was to eat well and fatten myself up).......So it had to be done was the final BV (brain verdict).

I took a final look at what would soon find their way to deepest annals of grime and filth at the hair-cut parlour- Several tufts of my own sweet jet black hair (oh!!!!the PAIN!!!!) coz this GREAT WALL of MINEa, shielded my wonderfully receding scalp to quite a good extent and with this protection gone....whoa, things might get a bit difficult from now on till my Old Faithful can grow back........

Please pardon the earlier usage of the term "Hair-cut parlour"- the only place where us desi guys use that is related to ICE CREAM.........i'm more comfortable saying "BARBER SHOP" even though technically its not a shop (called a shop, because technically you are going to get a NEW LOOK, but whether that hair-do becomes a hair-dont IS ALL IN YOUR HANDS)........Why? because it is so!!!

Hence,
RULE 1: Choose your words carefully

The barber you get is generally based on which chair you sit on, so as it happens....if your having a good day, you get an experienced guy who's tremendously skilled.......he's been doing this for a long time and can't do much wrong..........or you get the guy who you've seen in the shop only on that particular day..........

But they all ask the same question.........."What'll it be" after corking your neck for air gaps after the glasses come off and spraying your head with that big bottle with a nozzle (its not a problem if they spray your head, somehow & someway they enter my nose and consequently my overly sensitive nose is wide awake AND I SNEEZE one in all its glory)............A response is awaited.............All my life i've asked for only one thing (been saying that since the first time i walked into the barber shop with my dad when i was 5).

CLOSE one........Really Close cut..........and as though that's an indication to so many things for this guy.....i mean WOW, never thought that that one word had so many directions encrypted.........On saying that he knows what to do to the back, front and the sides as well ........But, this guy doesn't always get single responses from his clients like me........Like, say once i saw a guy while i'm waiting for my turn while reading a newspaper, who more or less my age.......gave his requirements like a Christmas wish-list.....something like

1.Side buns straight
2.Shave not required
3.Razor not required (some people fear AIDS through these blades even if the guy openly changes them before their eyes)
3.The front portion of his head(styled to look abashing to say the least) was not be touched
4. Then the MOMENT OF MADNESS arrives:
"THE MOVIE STAR COMPARISON"-
a. My side like 'Kakka kakka' Suriya
b. Overall like 'Ghajini' Aamir Khan with crossroads at the back of a fully tonsured head.......much like a cherry on top a birthday cake......etc etc.......you get the idea.But the problem is,
people still don't realise that actors get PAID A LOT to get their hair done to suit the roles requirements.....and here it's vice-versa...........Finally,
5. The back side of the head is for the barber to IMPROVISE, depending upon the mood the the barber mostly....................

Here's the flaw in all this, you say something wrong or you say something close to what the barber THINKS you want but is quite contrary to what you actually want,
YOU WILL LIVE TO REPENT IT TILL IT GROWS BACK,
but supposing you grew a punk funk or a ponytail which becomes the victim of the unfortunate blade, just thinking about the number of days that it took you to grow that..........

Rule 2: On violation of rule 1, we must suitably modify our requirements such that it is not noticeable that we made a fool of ourselves while getting our hair done.........

Scenario:(your thoughts)Oops, i did not want that removed.....now what do i do, symmetry is the best solution, let him do the other side too......if he doesn't i'll have to remind him......
(or)
no no no no.......not that, i wanted to have that
(or)
What am i gonna do with this excess. If my DAD SEES ME LIKE THIS AND I SAY I GAVE AWAY 50 bucks for this haircut, he'll sock me left right and centre..............

Hence the rule 2 will now come into play in these sort of scenarios(not exhaustive), hence we must pull off a suitable damage control mechanism...........

Well even with all sorts of experience backing us, a trip to that place always promises a new story to tell..........As is always in everything there are good & bad things that do take place over there.......

RAZOR:(The barber guy's favourite)We all like it when it does that TRKK, TRKK, TRKK sound accompanied by a scraping of cheek skin next to our side buns.............but sometimes when he runs it through the back of your neck and the blade comes across a SWEAT BOIL or God forbid, anything else......that will pain for mornings to come.......................

BRUSH:(Cleaning kit)We like it when it brushes away all loose fallen hair strands on the sides of the neck............but then he runs it through your face(as though the face is a blackboard) and certainly i cant refrain from SNEEZING after that...........(Plant on his face for never learning before i leave)................

and how can i forget the TIMES WHEN HE SIMPLY USES THE STEEL SCISSORS when he cuts along the sides for a good alignment.......

IT'S GOOD WHEN IT GOES ZIK, ZIK, ZIK.............but then the scissors catches a bit of your skin and the body succumbs to an involuntary twitch to the same side of the barber....................

Hence for all you frequenters of the barber shop, and who may or might not agree with me....
The moral goes:
1.For people who's hair grows fast and have to visit often......don't worry atleast be happy that they're still growing!!!!!
2.The lesser instructions to the barber guy, the better...............


And one can only think...........If this is the way for a guy and his hair.............

WHAT ABOUT A GIRL ???????????